Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
