would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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