I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
