Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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