I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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