I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
