i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize