So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
