somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
