i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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