She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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