He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
