and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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