Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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