I wish I only lived at night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
