She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
