ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
