i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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