everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
