Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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