And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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