I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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