so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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