Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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