I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm like, not good at living.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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