he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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