I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
