I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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