If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
