I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
