Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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