I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
