Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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