I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
