yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
