I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
