"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
