Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
