Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
