If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
