Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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