apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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