I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Come see our sink grown plant.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
