fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize