Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
