Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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