I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
