I'm lost and stupid without you.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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