i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
