listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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