Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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