Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
