He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
