This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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