True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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