I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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