dude i'm inner monologue high
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
