Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
