"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
