I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
