Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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