the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
MIDGETS
????
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
